


Bandage Wasting Hinata Shouyou

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!, 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxious Hinata Shouyou, Child Abuse, Dazai-Typical Suicide Attempts (Bungou Stray Dogs), Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I just figured out how to tag so, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No beta reader, Other, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, messed up update schedule
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25124065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Shouyou Hinata, middle blocker of Karasuno High school's volleyball team was a suicidal brat with bandages wrapped around his entire being. He jokes about suicide all the time but what is really going on behind his bright demeanor he made for himself? What made him obsessed with death? Can Karasuno unlock his broken heart?(Shouyou's persona is inspired by Dazai Osamu from BSD)Trigger warnings:SuicideSelf harmPast sexual abusePast abuseDepressionPTSDPanic attacks
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Everyone, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 23
Kudos: 358





	1. Start

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning:
> 
> \- Suicidal tendencies
> 
> \- Depression
> 
> Suicide should not be taken lightly, this fic was simply inspired by the character, Dazai Osamu in Bungou Stray Dogs, if you have depression please seem for professional help, this fic might not be suitable for anyone who gets triggered easily.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouyou Hinata was moved to Miyagi by Mori for unknown reasons, there he found a volleyball team and met his new teammates in a rather strange encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings in the tags but I will repeat it for this chapter.
> 
> Mentions of abuse  
> Suicide attempt and Suicidal thoughts

Hinata Shouyou sat in a discussion room alone with the ‘orphanage’ headmaster, Mori Ougai, he was barely 15 at that time, yet he already fully understood the tension between both of them. Neither sides were saying anything, the presence of discomfort lingered heavily in the unpleasant atmosphere. The dreadful silence that accompanied all these negativity was not helping Shouyou's anxiety at all. He shifted nervously under the intense gaze of the head master, old habits bit back as he started scratching against his bandages, messing the white material up in the process. Shouyou flinched out of his stance when the other man finally decided to break the ice.

"Shouyou, boy, you are going to be fostered in Miyagi."

Shouyou bit his lips at the usage of his first name, he didn't want this sick human calling his fucking name, this asshole never earned his trust therefore it gives him no right to use his name, it sounds ill rolling off the older male's tongue. Shouyou hated the man in front of him with his entire being.

"Yes sir."

The orange fluff somehow managed to swallow his hatred down and was able to miraculously vocalize a response without dripping his words with venom, even though his glare probably already exposed his inner disgust.

The malicious grin of Mori plastered across his maniac features once again, Shouyou cringed at the sadistic look on the elder, the headmaster ignored Shouyou's obvious malaise.

"Now, now, Sonny, there is no need for you to look at me like that."

Shouyou wanted to yell and strangle him alive, he wanted to rip off his body piece by piece like how he had done it to the other children, he wanted to rip out his eyeballs and put it on display in his room gloriously, he wanted to cut off every fibre of the monster that stood in front of him.

Mori only hummed in amusement upon watching the orphan's aggravation, without another word, he elegantly walked out of the room, leaving the boy alone with his undying resentment.

\---------------  
Shouyou shot awake by a startling loud noise, he first glanced around warily before shutting his alarm down in frustration, only to realize that the noise did not come from the alarm but was in fact from his new 'sister'. The short male groaned grumpily and slumped his body to face the other side.

The numbers written in obnoxious bright blue shone back to his groggy eyes and messed up face. The clock informed Shouyou that it was still 4:30 AM in the morning, why in the hell was his sister even up at this time?

Shouyou was a light sleeper, to be able to get an hour of sleep without nightmares or interruption was something similar to a blessing to him, and now he definitely couldn't go back to bed after that wonderful memory decided to pay him a visit. The teen scowled disapprovingly to no one in particular, he was just letting his morning grump out a bit.

Unfortunately, today was also the first day of school, Shouyou looked forward to joining the volleyball club but he didn't really want to socialize, let alone listening to dumb lectures that doesn't benefit his life in anyway.

'School sure sounds fun.'

He thought to himself sarcastically.

Shouyou followed his usual routine, wrapping himself in bandages, throwing his uniform on messily, he didn't bother to fix the dumb buttons on the uniform, he carefully wrapped the rest of the bandages around his disabled eye and casually placed the black coat around his shoulders. When everything was on, he didn't feel so exposed anymore, he felt a bit safer than he was, even if there wasn't really a lot to fear, the world was still an unpredictable mess of a place regardless.

He left the house silently, not bothering to take any food with him, the sun has not risen yet, the blue lights that would accompany him at night was still shining over him even at this hour, lights of the other houses are off, there was no sign of anyone else, which is how he liked it, silence can be comforting when it wanted to be, but at other times, it could also mean something completely different.

The usual weird looks he would get because of his attire were also nowhere to be found in the empty roads, busy cars that never seemed to stop running were suddenly on silence and it was just him alone. Not like the loneliness ever bothered him, it was just an unusual scene.

Shouyou slowly unlocked his bike with ease, he unwrapped the chains around his secured vehicle, each clanking of the metal was heard clearly. Chains fell onto the ground, Shouyou didn't find motivation to fix up the fallen metal, he just left them curling up on the ground in an unkempt manner.

He rode on his bike slowly, enjoying the peace that surrounded him as he pedalled with the tiniest strength. He went down the slope relaxingly, taking in the wonderful morning air and the cool air of the mountain that would have sent chills down his spine if it wasn’t for the extra protective layer he had put on today.

The sun rose as the same moment as when he had finally finished riding off the hill, the dark sky was painted in gradients of yellowish red and a pretty shade of purple, stars were still visible if he had squinted his eyes hard enough, the sun beam bounced off the floor and sent themselves into different directions, brightening up the town once again, signaling everyone that another morning had came again.

If the entire scenery of morning coming once again is poetic, then Shouyou definitely didn't find it appealing at all, let alone it being poetic. Every night he would wish for a disaster to land on him, he would wish that the sun would never rise again, he would wish that he could finally leave this world. As edgy as it might sound, whenever he wakes up to find himself still alive, it always leaves him with a hollow shell of disappointment.

As Shouyou rode by the sea, he contemplated jumping off the railing.

As Shouyou rode by a taller building, he considered trespassing it at night and jumping off.

As Shouyou rode by the running cars, he thought about jumping in front of one of them.

As Shouyou rod-

He had arrived at Karasuno High School, unfortunately. Shouyou took a glance at his watch, it was still 5:30 AM, he sighed and dragged himself along with his bike to the parking stand which was empty, as expected, he tied his bike to one of the stands as he briefly analysed the school and facilities, he spotted a volleyball gym.

_Huh? I guess this school is at least a bit decent at volleyball then._

As much as Shouyou hated life, one thing that brought him a flicker of joy is volleyball, he had always loved volleyball ever since he saw the tiny giant, it was like an inspiration, he would practice by himself until midnight hits, thought he never have gotten to play in an actual team, he couldn't help feel a tiny excitement at the thought of being able to play in actual team.

Without further hesitation, he grabbed his school bag and made his way to the gym. The gym door was unlocked thankfully, he pushed open the door slowly and scanned the gym quickly, checking for any signs of a human being, when he saw that no one was there, he walked in the gym.

He noticed the floor and how tall the ceiling is, he noticed the tall nets that is by the side, he noticed the baskets of volleyballs that was placed orderly in the corner, everything he saw was fascinating, everything he saw was like the real practice gyms he had seen before on television, he never thought he would actually be able to see one in real life, the entire building was beyond his imagination.

The second thing he noticed, is something a normal person probably wouldn't notice, he observed closely and made a conclusion that the wooden beam by the lower side of the ceiling, aka the ground under the observatory balcony, was extremely sturdy, and it was absolutely golden material for hanging himself, it was as if he saw stars in his eyes. He exclaimed to no one in particular.

“This is it! This _must_ be fate!! This is what I have been searching for my entire life, today will finally be the day I die! Under the glory of this strong wooden building.” 

Shouyou chirped excitedly and skipped to storage room, searching for the thickest rope he could find, finally he held up a strong looking rope that looked a bit old, but regardless, strong enough to hold en entire body, he carefully tied a noose skillfully, having done this time and time again, the way of tying a perfect noose was drilled into his mind, he could probably tie one with his eyes closed.

Shouyou dashed out of the storage room with a chair and went back to his original spot, placing down the chair delicating and throwing the freshly tied noose around the wooden beam, he smiled as he saw how perfect the hole fitted his head, Shouyou felt an overwhelming amount of happiness as he took the rough material in his scarred palms, feeling the burn as the rope rubbed against his skin, he treated his suicide as if it was a ceremony of pride and such, he placed the rope around his neck carefully, ensuring that the circhle is formed around his pale neck properly as he readied himself to take off from the chair.

_This is it, here I come dea-_

“Oh what the fuck?!”

Shouyou stumbled back from the unexpected loud yelling, snapping his perfectly united rope into half as he fell off the chair harshly. The yelling voice added again, this time in a softer tone than the previous.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Shouyou rubbed his sore back while letting out an irritated hiss.

“What the fuck do you think _you_ are doing?!”

The newcomer froze in spot, his face scrunching up in absolute confusion, as if he had no idea what the hell was going on, Shouyou groaned, teenagers and their overdramatic obliviousness. He was _obviously_ committing suicide, what else would he be doing with a goddamn noose?

“I was obviously committing suicide! And you ruined my fabulous ceremony and also broke my wonderful rope, now you are acting like an oblivious dense fuck?!”

The dark haired male at the door tilted his head to one side and gave Shouyou a blank stare before asking out loud.

“Are you stupid?”

Shouyou dramatically stepped back and gasped out loudly in an extremely offended tone.

“Am _I_ stupid? The idiotic one is you, you asshole!”

The taller male was now pissed, the already grumpy stare of his turned even more angrier if that is even possible, the other boy yelled back in an extremely annoyed manner.

“Hah?!! I am just trying to play volleyball like a normal human being, and _you_ are trying to commit suicide out of no fuckin where?! Obviously the one without brains is you!”

Shouyou bickered back with another statement that made complete sense in his perspective.

“Exactly! I was trying to kill myself without bothering anyone and you! You dumb brat interrupted my beautiful entrance to death and now I am still alive!”

The other boy seemed even more furious at his response, he yelled out loud again.

“Why the fuck were you even trying to commit suicide in the first place?! Also why is a damn volleyball gym?! Don’t you know this place is open for other students too?!!!”

Shouyou crossed his arms childishly and argued back.

“This specific wooden beam in this gym is extremely sturdy, okay? It's a perfect spot for suicide since everywhere I have tried the ceiling always ended up breaking! Besides nobody even comes to practice at like, five in the fucking morning!”

“S-shut up! I wanted to check out the volleyball gym before applying and it's already six idiot! Also that doesn’t make any sense!”

“It makes perfect sense to me!”

“Huh?!!!”

Suddenly the door was pushed open again and more people stepped in, both bickering males turned their heads to the source of the noise, three figures stepped in, one with black hair who wore a confident smirk, another with silver hair, he wore a welcoming grin, the other .. bald man had a more intimidating look on.

“O-osu!”

The boy beside him exclaimed out loud, Shouyou flinched a bit at the sudden noise but immediately fixed his posture and looked the ‘intimidating’ guy straight in the eyes.

“Ossu.”

The dark haired boy replied to the male beside him.

“Kageyama Tobio right?”

The other boy now known as Kageyama nodded, Shouyou only glanced at him, wondering if Kageyama was popular or something since the newcomers seemed like second years or third years, judging by the fact they already had the volleyball club jacket.

The senior who stood in the middle of the trio said again.

“Thanks for coming here!”

Kageyama stumbled on his words awkwardly again as he shifted a bit.

“O-osu!”

The silver haired boy chipped in casually.

“Wow! You have grown since last year!”

The bald boy added in a low voice, dropping the intimidating mask he had on a while ago.

“First impressions are important Suga-san! Why didn’t you put on a more angry face?!”

Shouyou observed from behind as he watched the taller group interact.

“How tall are you now?”

They haven’t noticed him yet it seems.

“180.”

Shouyou didn’t take any action to greet them, he stood there awkwardly, he didn’t really mind whether he could join the team or not, though he would be a bit disappointed if he couldn’t if he was being honest.”

“Tanaka quit with that face!”

Shouyou silently agreed with the silver haired male, who is apparently named Suga, that so called scary face looked stupid.

“But Suga-san!”

“Stop trying to scare the first years,”

Shouyou spaced out of their conversation, the four kept on chatting until someone asked.

“Why is there a rope and chair out though..?”

“That would be on this idiot!”

Kageyama yelled and pointed towards Shouyou, and Shouyou was brought back to reality as he felt eyes on him. Suga looked surprised, they really hadn’t noticed him at all, not like he blamed them, his presence wasn’t the brightest afterall.

“Oh woah! Since when have you been there?!”

Shouyou smiled jokingly and replied cheerfully, not minding the fact that nobody noticed him at all.

“Ah from the start actually!”

Suga replied with a smile that rivalled his.

“Oh! Sorry that we didn’t notice you.”

The baldy stepped into their conversation, pulling on his intimidating face once again.

“Huh?! And who the hell are you to think about getting random stuff from the storage room?!”

Shouyou innerly sighed at the stupid face the bald guy is making, however his smile didn’t falter as he answered.

“I was trying to commit suicide, didn’t know there would be people at this time, my bad my bad.”

Suddenly the intimidating face wore off and everyone went silent besides Kageyama, who only grabbed his collar and screamed in his face.

“Stop joking about suicide its not funny!”

Shouyou felt a bit annoyed at that statement, who the fuck said he was joking, he genuinely wants to fucking die. He growled back at Kageyama with anger hinted in his voice.

“Who the fuck said I was joking, don’t just assume other people tendecies!”

Suga broke apart the fighting boys and gently asked Shouyou, almos pitifully.

“Uh why were you trying to commit suicide?”

Shouyou wanted to slam his head into a wall, why was people so annoyingly persistent, why does it even matter to them if he wanted to die, god can’t they just shut up, it is not like anyone cared about him trying to die every second before. Humans are such complicated creatures. Despite the more disturbing thoughts in his head, he laughed it off again with a happy smile.

“It is just my daily routine, as you can see I am in search of a wonderful painless suicide, this all part of the plan for my ultimate goal!”

The trio seemed weirded out and Kageyama just looked more irritated than ever.

“U-uh okay? Anyways my name is Sugawara Koushi, I am the starting setter and a third year, also your vice captain.”

The bald boy stepped forward and introduced himself with confidence.

“Tanaka Ryunosuke! Wing spiker, second year and I am not bald!”

Shouyou fought down a laugh at the statement ‘I am not bald’ since Tanaka was visibly lacking hair.

“Daichi Sawamura, I am your captain and also third year, nice to meet you both.”

Kageyama and Shouyou both yelled energetically in response.

“Osu!”

Sugawara spoke again, confirming both of their identities.

“So you are Kageyama Tobio and you…”

The senior stopped to check the name list on his hand, he frowned a bit before asking.

“You are Yamaguchi Tadashi or Tsukishima Kei?”

Shouyou raised his eyebrows at the unfamiliar names, before realising that the stupid headmaster, Mori probably forgot to inform him of applying to clubs before school starts.

Stupid fucking asshole Mori.

“My name is Hinata Shouyou, sorry I forgot to apply earlier.”

A look of recognition flashed on the senior’s face in a brief moment and Daichi nodded in understanding.

“Ah, that is okay, none of you guys have officially joined the club yet so, don’t worry.”

Daichi placed his hand on Shouyou’s shoulder in a supposingly comforting manner, however Shouyou didn’t do good with any form of touch and flinched violently at the unsuspected hand on his shoulder.

Everyone in the room frowned at his skittish nature, Shouyou immediately swallowed up his panic and replaced his fear struck expression with a carefree beam.

“Ah, sorry about that I don’t do well with touch so please _do not touch me_ without warning.”

The seniors nodded as the chatter went on, all of them forgetting the incident and anxiety that was written on Shouyou just a second ago, but Shouyou was fine with that, he didn’t need some stranger sabotaging into his private life afterall.

After more exchange of words, Shouyou was able to officially join the club and he couldn’t be happier over the fact that he can finally play in a team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the rewritten chapter one, sorry for the wait.


	2. Notice about updates. (Will be deleted once rewriting is done)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh just a reason why I ain't updating

Okay so I reread my story, i just want to improve it because the plot isn't fixed at all and it is just, a fucking mess.

Sorry for the late updates, I will try rewriting in these days, give me a week or two.


	3. Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouyou received a very mentally breaking letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:
> 
> Implied sexual abuse/psychological abuse.  
> Suicidal thoughts.  
> Graphic descriptions of a panic attcak.

Shouyou arrived home in a rare good mood, he was even humming as he rode his bike, it felt like he hadn’t felt so light hearted in forever, thank god for the person who fostered him, escaping Mori’s grasp seemed like a dream that is too good to be true. He couldn’t believe that he was actually excited to be home. Shouyou swung the door open and cheerfully called out loud as he entered the house.

“I am home!”

Natsu, Shouyou’s little sister leaped in Shouyou’s arms as soon as she heard the door creaked open, they had only known each other for a few months yet their bond was already stronger than most siblings.

“Onii-chan!!”

“Natsu!”

The shorter girl exclaimed happily as Shouyou hugged her tight. The girl resembled Shouyou a lot despite the fact they are not blood related, she had crazy curly bright orange hair, one of Shouyou’s most unique features if he says so himself, and big brown eyes that are identical to his, sometimes Shouyou wonders if they are secretly blood related twins.

Shouyou pushed away that thought and placed his focus back on his sister, he stroked her soft bright curls gently and embraced her tight as she twitched under his touch, trying to contain her giggles of happiness.

After their long lasting hug, Shouyou pulled away at last and went to greet his foster mum, who isn’t as close to him as Natsu is. She obviously loved Natsu more and gave her more attention but Shouyou didn’t really mind since the whole ordeal is kind of understandable, given they have only known each other for a few months whereas Natsu had been with them since the start.

“Uh, Hinata-san I am home!”

The brown haired woman turned to greet Shouyou as she gave him one of her motherly smiles, she smiled gently before lightly scolding Shouyou.

“Ah, Shouyou-kun, didn’t I tell you to call me Mother?”

Shouyou flinched at the lighter scold tone, he knew that she would never hurt him but it was just an instinct he developed over years of abuse. He immediately fixed himself up and mustered up an apology to his foster mother.

“Sorry, Hinat- uh Mother, I can’t get used to it, I will try harder, sorry.”

His ‘mother’ didn’t look angry at all even with his obvious slip up, instead she beamed delightfully and forgave Shouyou without hesitation, even encouraging the anxious boy a bit in the process.

“It is okay Shouyou-kun, don’t worry, take your time with what you are comfortable with.”

Shouyou felt warm upon her act of kindness, he nodded timidly and an awkward silence fell between them, before Shouyou could excuse himself, his ‘mother’ spoke again.

“Oh right! Shouyou-kun, your headmaster, Mori-san sent you a letter earlier! Maybe he missed you a bit? Anyways here is the letter! Don’t worry I haven’t read it.”

Shouyou immediately dropped his smile, the demon inside him sneered at his stupidity of even thinking to be able to leave Mori, he was stupid stupid stupid, of course he won't be able to leave that hellhole so easily, _of course_ Mori won't let him get away so easily. He was dumb to even consider that possibility.

Shouyou wanted to claw at the letter, scream his agony out, he wanted to cry and sob until there wasn’t any tears left, he wanted to burn the letter into crisps and laugh as it vanishes right before his eyes, he wanted to rip that piece of paper apart piece by piece and watch Mori’s disgusting words shatter in front of his face.

Shouyou tried to hide his anger as he silently took the letter into his hands, holding it delicately while he dashed back to his temporary room, ignoring the shouts of his mot- no, Hinata-san. Natsu made an attempt to follow him into his room but Shouyou locked it before she could try.

When the door was closed tightly, Shouyou scanned the letter again, the red stamp on the letter merely laughed at him as he collapsed onto the floor, his throat being held tight by Mori’s grip once again, the air got thick and it was suffocating him, suddenly the home he has doesn’t seem like a home anymore, his ‘home’ was just one of Mori’s send away shelter, Shouyou clenched his fists and dug hard into his palms, blood seeping out from his bony fingers as he tried to suppress the broken chokes of cries that were rising up to his throat.

**Not safe! Not safe! Not safe!**

His mind frantically screamed as he took notice of the similarities between his current room and his old one.

**Danger! Danger! Danger!**

His anxieties gripped him tighter than ever, whispering paranoia into his ears as he realised how vulnerable he is.

**Run away! Run away! RuN awAy!**

Shouyou grabbed his pocket knife and the letter before leaping out of the window, ignoring the consequences that might come with his reckless actions, he couldn’t care about any of those at the moment, right now he just needed to get out, he just needed to erase all the fragments of his past.

Shouyou skillfully rolled off the roof as he sped through the night, ignoring the weird looks he had gotten as he seeped through the adults that were returning home after a long day of work, he went down the hill, cold breezes blew past him and sent him shivering, but Shouyou shook off the feeling of cold, he held his pocket knife close to him and suddenly the cold didn’t bother him anymore, he felt safe again and he could breathe again.

The bandaged boy pantsed when he came to a realisation that he had been running all the way down the hill, exhaustion that didn’t hit him as he ran came crashing down, he felt like he could just collapse in place. Shouyou scanned his surroundings and found that his instincts probably took him back to school, or specifically the volleyball gym, the only place that had given him a strange sense of security.

The suicidal maniac climbed past the school fences without trouble and made his way to the volleyball gym, but it was closed, however that didn’t matter to Shouyou, he just picked the lock with his knife and got in easily, ignoring the fact that he was completely trespassing his own school- oh wait he had his school uniform still on that should be enough of an excuse?

He brushed off that casual thought, knowing that wasn't the main point at the moment, what he should be concerned about is the mystery letter in his hands. He glared at that taunting piece of paper, having a strong urge to rip it but no courage to do it, as he knew Mori could simply remove him from the foster system with the excuses of his whenever he desired, he was basically being threatened and nothing could be done.

Shouyou sighed, at least nothing here will trigger him unlike his well, home, or rather a temporary shelter. He really didn't want to know whatever the hell is written on the piece of paper in his hands, but it was something he couldn't escape, he just had to read it and get this shit over with, can't stay paranoid forever, then again he is being threatened to read the letter either ways.

He tore the envelope and a piece of paper with words and hearts dotted on it flew out. Shouyou felt disgusted at the sheer amount of red hearts Mori had put on it, knowing fully well that he didn't mean any of the hearts. He would have dumped the letter in the trash can next to him if he had the option to, but shamefully, he didn't have a choice but to read that dreaded letter that probably contained content that could make him feel worse than ever.

_Here goes nothing._

**Dear Shouyou <3,**

_Gross._

**I have missed you when you are gone :)**

_Can't relate._

**You haven't been replying to my texts at all >:((**

_Yeah cause fuck you._

**!!! I missed you so much I sent you a letter,**

_What are you? A high school girl in love?_

**Shouyou Shouyou I love you so please read and reply to my texts everyday or I will be forced to remove you from the foster system :(**

_If you have the power too, why didn't you already?_

**Which will seem very suspicious and you wouldn't want our little affair getting caught right?**

_Fuck you Mori, I hate you._

**So be a good boy and reply to my texts alright ? I really missed the wonderful times we spent together <3**

_I certainly didn't._

**I also sent you some outfits in the mail, they should arrive tomorrow, can't wait to see you wearing them <3**

_Fuck._

**Talk to you soon then!**

_Fuck fuck fuck._

**Love,  
Mori**

_Shit._

This was bad.

Really fucking bad.

Suddenly everything was on repeat again, the feeling of freedom and joy was gone, anxiety curled up in him again and the usual paranoia came haunting back, this time harder than ever. The past was on an unbreakable loop of rewind, and nothing can ever break through it, he will be in Mori's grasp forever, no matter how hard he struggled or how hard he prayed for help. It won't just fade away, the memories, the past, the present, everything.

Shouyou wanted to die.

He wanted to die so bad.

But for some reason he was just cursed with _not_ being able to _fucking die._

During these days of endless suicidal spirals, he just wanted to yell at God for even thinking of creating him, he wished his mother had an abortion or something, he wished he was never borned.

He sighed deeply, and once again he was reading his guide to suicide, searching for another new method of suicide.

\-------------------

“Good mornin..?!”

A terror stricken screech woke Shouyou up, his head felt heavy as he saw white shining through his entire vision. He stood up limping to the wall next to him and supported himself with the little strength he had left, he analysed the vision before him once his eyesight was clear again. Standing at the door were the seniors he had met yesterday, Sugawara Koushi and Daichi Sawamura, the startled scream seemed to have come from Sugawara though, Daichi was just staring at him in shock.

Shouyou groaned at the fuzziness of his head, he slammed his hand onto his head lightly, massaging it softly and desperately trying to reboot himself as quickly as possible, he pondered if the tear stains from last night were still visible?

“Hinata! How are you here already-!”

The loud voice was worsening the condition of his aching head, he wanted to snap right there but instead he forced himself to restart his engine and pulled up his cheerful suicidal self in no time, a grin spread across his swollen cheeks, Shouyou pushed away the anxious side of himself and brought in the dazzling narcissistic personality of his. The doubts and uncertainty were suddenly gone, replaced by the hollow digging feeling of depression only.  
Pushing away those thoughts, Shouyou responded to the two surprised captains that were still at the door, awaiting for an explanation.

“I broke in!”  
A stunned silence was heard after his ‘confession’, well he wasn’t technically lying, he did break into the school, the school that he is a student in, does that still count as trespassing-?  
It is not like he is stealing anyways.

“I- why?!”

Daichi yelled at him before stepping towards him rapidly, Sugawara closed the gym door in the background, Shouyou could briefly see the vice captain inspecting the door with a quick scan as a look of recognition slipped on, the captain was in front of him, wearing a dark expression that didn’t scare Shouyou at all, they were worse to be feared in the world afterall. He heard the light footsteps of Sugawara as he approached the angered captain, breaking him away from the piercing glare.

“Woah, you actually broke the lock.”

Sugawara said as he stepped next to Daichi, Shouyou would have thought that Sugawara was impressed if it wasn’t for the hint of annoyance in the tone and the frown on his face.

“Yeah, impressive right? I did it with a hairpin too.”

Daichi leaned away and sighed dramatically, smacking his hand on his forehead in confusion and just looking so done with the world in general, Shouyou stifled a laugh at the distressed expression on his captain’s face, call him psychopathic, but nothing beats the feeling of satisfaction that he feel when others are annoyed due to his ‘stupidity’.

“You do realise you have to pay for that right.”

...Shit.

In fact, he didn’t realise he had to pay for it.

“Hinata…”

Daichi’s expression darkened as Shouyou made a fearful look before running away as Daichi chased after him aggressively

Tanaka and the rest of the second years entered the classroom as chaos ensued in the volleyball gym, Shouyou somehow managed to climb up the ceiling and Daichi was currently yelling at him to get down, Tanaka just barfed out a laugh and the rest of the second years looked scared.

There was a bunch of yelling and running before everything was held onto a pause when two unfamiliar figures entered the gym with a questionable expression, which is understandable given how bizarre the entire situation must have looked to an outsider.  
The newcomer on the left was relatively tall, Shouyou would have mistaken him for a third year if it wasn’t for the fact he had met him in the corridors of the first years just yesterday, in comparison to the tall blonde, the freckles dusted male beside him seemed average and plain looking, he also looked visibly nervous.

“Ah, sorry about all of this, I swear we usually aren't like this.”

Daichi immediately fixed up his messy appearance and stood up formally as a welcoming smile formed on his face, Shouyou stopped running too once he heard the sounds of the footsteps trailing behind him were gone, he looked back to the intruders but didn’t bother to try to make himself look presentable.

Daichi spoke up again, he walked towards the duo that stood at the gym door as he held out a hand for a handshake, he seemed to have asked a question as the duo both nodded in response, then his grin widened and he introduced himself as the captain, the rest of the members quickly followed himself and presented their identities individually, Shouyou immediately lost interest in the scene and went back to the spot he previously fell asleep in to fix up some of his stuff, he felt the captain glaring at him as he proceeded to ignore the scene but he couldn’t care less.

Perhaps he should try hanging himself again today, or go to that nice river he found on the way to school.

“Sorry I am late!”

Ah! Shouyou recognised that voice, it's Kageyama! Finally! Someone fun that he can troll. 

“It is fine Kageyama. You aren’t really late, everyone else was just early.”

Daichi reassured Kageyama as he visibly relaxed.

Shouyou shrieked like a child as he dashed towards Kageyama, moving in all directions as he approached the grumpy setter.

“Kageyamaaaaaaaaa! Toss! Toss!”

Kageyama yelled back at him angrily, tapping his foot as he failed to notice the presence of the two new first years.

“Boke! We still haven’t warmed up yet!”

Shouyou suddenly received a brilliant idea in his mind, he smirked mischievously as he tried to appear pure.

“Kageyama! Don’t tap your foot it will mess up your tosses and jumps!!”

Kageyama twitched his eyebrows in disbelief, there shouldn't be a volleyball setting technique that he didn’t know, that is simply impossible!

“What! That is impossible!”

Shouyou’s smile widened, almost in a scary way as he chirped energetically.

“It is scientifically proven though~”

“What?! Really?”

“Mhm~ Here! Write it down in your volleyball journal quickly!”

Kageyama immediately scrambled around his pockets for his journal, when he finally found it he swiftly flipped to a new page and his pencil scratched furiously against his notebook as he tried to note down the new learnt information and that is when Shouyou smiled in satisfaction.

“I was just joking though.”

Kageyama broke his pencil in half and glared at Shouyou, he grasped the collar of the laughing middle blocker and lifted him up to his own height before shaking the suicidal boy harshly all while screaming.

Tanaka just winced while mumbling something along the lines of “manly battle” and Daichi started yelling at the two fighting pair, Sugawara turned to the new comers and started apologising like a broken record, Yamaguchi forgave the fretting senior while Tsukishima just ignored the apology, he was way more interested in why The King is here.

Kageyama was still yelling at Shouyou while Shouyou looked like he could care less, he didn’t noticed Tsukishima approaching behind Kageyama, but Shouyou definitely was aware of the rather unpleasant aura the tall blonde was giving off, though he didn’t show his distress at all, his gaze definitely darkened.

“Hmm… Aren’t you the King?”

The genius setter immediately dropped Shouyou as the bandaged boy landed perfectly and listened into the conversation between the both. Kageyama looked pissed as fuck, he didn’t make any attempt to physically assault the blond but he sure as hell looked like he wanted to strangle someone alive.

“Don’t call me that!”

Tsukishima didn’t look intimidated by Kageyama’s anger, instead he sneered mischievously and challenged the setter even further. The seniors were already making their way towards the two heated duo to stop the fight while Shouyou just blankly stared from behind.

“Ahaha! So it really is the King! Why are you here in a school like this? Shouldn’t you be going to Shiratorizawa or Aoba Johsai?”

Kageyama looked even more angry and frustrated but he averted his eye contact in shame as he admitted in a mere mumble.

“They rejected me.”

Tsukishima laughed openly and taunted Kageyama further when he saw his obvious upsetted expression.

“You are telling me they rejected you? That is funny! Ahaha! But I guess that makes sense too, afterall who would even want to have someone egoistic and demanding on their team, right King?”

Kageyama clenched his fists tightly and looked straight back into Tsukishima’s sadistic expression.

“Why you-!”

“Stop fighting!”

Daichi cut into the fight before things could get worse, Tsukishima’s grin fell off upon the captain’s angered tone and Kageyama continued glaring at the tall male even when he turned his back, Shouyou went back to focusing on himself, he watched his teammates laugh and interact and wondered when will he feel happy like that again.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note
> 
> How was the first chapter? I tried my best. I don't know if any of the characters are ooc though. Sorry if they are, except for Hinata, in this fic he will probably be more obnoxious like Oikawa but I will try to keep his purity and excitement.
> 
> Have a nice day.


End file.
